Wider Community

I was sexually abused by my football coach. I remember telling other boys on my football team — they were my age — but nothing was ever reported. I understand now why: they were children too and didn’t know what to do, so they just laughed it off.

About a year later, I told another coach what had happened. He told me he wished I hadn’t told him because he needed this job. He said that, as much as he wanted to speak out, he was worried about the consequences for himself. He told me to avoid my abuser and, if it continued, to quit football.

That’s what I did. I quit football. My parents didn’t understand why, so I made excuses about “not being interested anymore,” even though I loved the sport. I’m now married, but I still haven’t processed what happened because of the shocking responses I received when I spoke out.

Why Tom didn’t get help after speaking out:

• First disclosure was to peers his own age, who didn’t know how to respond
• Adult he later told prioritised his own job over Tom’s safety
• Advised to avoid abuser or quit instead of being protected
• Parents were never told and didn’t know the truth

Even when children speak up, if adults respond with self-preservation instead of action, the child may be silenced again. Adults must take every disclosure seriously and act immediately to protect the child.

I told my dad’s friend – who felt like an aunt to me – that her son was making me “kiss him on his private parts.” I remember her crying and then telling me nobody needed to know because I would get in trouble. She said she would speak to him and make sure he was told off.

It never happened again, but I still feel a lot of rage at the fact she protected her adult son instead of me. Years later, when I was 15, I told a youth leader at summer camp what had happened and how it was still affecting me. I was told it had been a long time ago and I needed to “get over it.”

It was a horrendous experience – being made to feel like it was nothing major. Only as an adult, when I started therapy, did I realise that what happened was not okay, and neither was the way either of them responded.

Why Kyla’s abuse was minimised:

• Adult she told prioritised protecting the abuser over her safety
• Told to keep it secret and warned she could “get in trouble”
• Later disclosure dismissed because it “happened a long time ago”
• Made to feel like her experience wasn’t serious

Children need to hear that what happened to them matters — no matter how long ago. Dismissing their pain deepens the trauma.

It happened at home. I wanted help so I told the imam at the mosque.

We had a babysitter who looked after us regularly. Over time, she started doing things that made me feel really uncomfortable, but I didn’t know how to explain it. Obviously, the older I got, I knew what she did was perform oral sex on me. One day, I told the imam at our mosque. He said it was a sin, especially because it was same-sex, and that he would pray for us and tell her not to come back.

But she did come back — and my mum didn’t stop it. Years later, I went back to the imam and asked why he hadn’t done more. He told me the same thing: it was a sin, and he didn’t know how to deal with it apart from praying. That left me feeling unprotected and unsure who I could trust.

Layla’s experience of speaking out as a child

• Her disclosure was minimised as a “sin” rather than treated as abuse
• The babysitter was allowed back, leaving her unsafe
• She learned that some adults lack the tools or knowledge to respond appropriately
• Abuse should never be ignored, even in religious or trusted institutions, and same-sex sexual abuse must be recognised and normalised so children don’t feel shame or confusion

Every child deserves to be believed, protected, and taken seriously. Nothing is worth staying silent for –  not a religious institution, not fear, not shame. Boys and girls alike must feel safe to speak out, and adults need training to respond appropriately, provide safe spaces, and address abuse of all types, including same-sex abuse.

I told people in my church – including the pastors – that my stepdad had been abusing me. I also told them that my mum knew about it throughout my childhood but did nothing. They were both seen as respected elders in the church.

Despite telling several people, nothing was ever done. To this day, they still walk around acting like they are better than everyone else. What’s even more sickening is that people around them chose to believe I was lying. No one investigated. No one asked me questions. Nothing was done.

It shows how people in positions of influence within some communities can be protected, no matter the harm they cause. It’s disgusting, but it’s also the reality. We must be bolder and stand up in these environments.

Why Chidinma’s disclosure was ignored:

• Abusers held respected positions in the community
• Multiple disclosures to church leaders led to no action
• Community members chose to believe she was lying
• No investigation or follow-up questions were ever made

Status or reputation should never outweigh a child’s safety. Communities must challenge harmful power dynamics and act to protect those at risk.